“Give the other Globe!” Soviet jokes about emigration

Remember: “Although the carcass, even chuchelkom, but here it is necessary to pass the buck”? If you forgot to read this collection of nostalgic anecdotes about emigration.

The end of the 70s, the plane Moscow – Paris. Shortly before boarding the cabin stewardess comes and says:

– Madame and Monsieur, comrades, soon our arrival in Paris airport. When you are on French soil, you probably need something to ask the locals. I’m ready to put your question in French. I beg.

One of the passengers asked:

– It will be in French, “How can I get to the Eiffel Tower?”

Stewardess translated.

Asks the second:

– It will be in French, “How much is a cup of coffee?”

Stewardess translated.

Asks the third:

– It will be in French, “You are a very beautiful girl, I’d like to meet you?”

Stewardess translated and this is not quite an appropriate code of ethics question. Suddenly shy of the votes cast is not known as having been on board the aircraft of an elderly Jew:

– I’m sorry, but as will be in French, “Where is the give you asylum?”

Raised a man in a leather jacket, looking sternly at the Jew and asks:

– And why you?

– God forbid – meets an elderly Jew. – I do not need it at all. I just wanted to politely find out who our senior group.

In the hospital general indignation: doctors and staff are clearly better to Jewish women in labor. The medical director turns to rough-women:

– Comrades, mother, be conscious citizenesses! They have products for export!

80s. The Sheremetyevo airport Jewish immigrants waiting for the plane to Vienna.

The radio announced:

– In connection with the departure to Paris delegation of the CPSU on the flight to Vienna is delayed.

After another hour:

– Flight to Vienna postponed due to the departure of the delegation to Rome All.

Rabinowitz says friend:

– Listen, Fima, if they all fly away, can we stay?

A Jew explains in OVIR, that the two reasons prompted him to leave for Israel:

– The first reason – my neighbor said to me: “Wait a minute, jew face as soon as Soviet power will end, I’m on the same day slaughter!”.

– What are you afraid of? After all, the Soviet government will never end!

– Exactly! This is the second reason.

– How much we all Jews? – Asks Kosygin, Brezhnev.

– One million three – four.

– And if we solve them all to leave, many will want to?

– Millions of ten – fifteen.

Poster in Local Police Department: “The Jewish wife is not a luxury but a means of transportation!”

Emigrant age 70, ever to leave the USSR, undergo customs inspection. The officer drew attention to the parrot, which the owner takes out with a permanent residence. “And how old is your bird?” – “Three hundred.” – “Er, no! If he was three hundred years, then it is of historical value to the state and can not be exported. ” – “But how can that be ?!” – “Well, if, for example, a scarecrow, or at least a carcass …” – “But this is our family heirloom, it is also my great-grandfather bought …” – explains the confusion emigrant.”No, you can not live!” – Categorically said the customs officer on that “ass” wheezes angrily: “Listen, Chaim, even stuffed, even though carcass, but here it is necessary to pass the buck !!!”

Announcement: “I was a three-room apartment in Moscow on a two-room in Paris. Possible options. “

Soviet Jews are divided into the brave and desperate. First go, the latter remain.

A source

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